so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
