That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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