White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
