thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
