My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
