I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
