I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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