Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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