My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize