now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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