u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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