I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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