hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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