I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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