you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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