I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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