I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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