Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
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Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
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My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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