Welp...herpes.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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