the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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