Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
