OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
