You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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