im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
