I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
