I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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