this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
