Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
