The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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