dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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