HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
