It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
