dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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