Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
