I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
