you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
