I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
