birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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