He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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