Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
