walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
