my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
