I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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