All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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