He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
