you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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