someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
