you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
