Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
