Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
