third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
