Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
