I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Randomize
