Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
