I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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