i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
