He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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