I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
