My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
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It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
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Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize