You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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