He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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