i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
