Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
