Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
