I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
