She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
