YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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