you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
