he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
