we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize