I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
